Dear Feminism, it’s over. I’m leaving. You can keep the Joni Mitchell CDs. And it’s not because Lady Gaga and Beyoncé disowned you, or Demi Moore dissed you. It’s just that you’re too bitchy and no fun these days. Feminism, when I was a kid, you were a riot to hang out with. You dressed me in dungarees, chucked me down slides, started fights. You taught me to make mud pies and kick my brother’s ass at Tetris. You were feisty, always demanding things for me. I liked that. You made me do science A-levels, hammered the debating-society boys. You helped me start an all-girl skateboard crew. (We were crap. You didn’t judge us.) Later, when I had that Girl Power phase, getting laid in leopard-print minis, you never once called me a slut
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