The Sunday Times column: Here’s to the most outrageous thing I’ve ever done: giving up drinking


There’s nothing like a 48-hour bug, which leaves you feeling so awful that you’re up weeping at midnight, to make you think about giving up drinking for a bit. Besides, my heart was a mess. After nine months of looking, I’m still between houses. Then something happened that left me broken-hearted (but I can’t tell you what, because it’s not my secret to share), and for once even tequila and karaoke didn’t help. So I stopped drinking. My friend Will bet me £100 that I couldn’t keep it up for a year, which is a ridiculous bet, so instead I offered him one month for free. Already, we’re four weeks in.

It turns out it was easy. It turns out I am not Charles Bukowski. Although I admit this is disappointing.

Other things I discovered while not drinking: I am a morning person. I am not the Best Dancer Ever. The reason I’ve been haemorrhaging money is simple: espresso martinis. Most of my friends aren’t that funny; although some are funnier. Most thrilling: it turns out there is nothing I did drunk that I cannot do sober, which is impressive, given the parameters. Some things I do even better.

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