The Sunday Times Magazine: If being a Beatle doesn’t open doors, try the window

01_R21MAC_1211662kBeing ejected from a party is the most humiliating thing that can happen to a person. It’s like being turned down for a date while other people watch.

I once got booted out of an Elton John Aids Foundation party by a cocaine-thin PR girl who physically walked me off the dance floor onto the street. She deposited me outside in the cold in front of a crowd, who looked on, disparagingly, knowing I was not one of them.

In some ways it is better to be rejected before you even make it past the entrance; turned away at the door (as I have been many times) because your name’s “not on the list” — although you still face the indignity of having to walk past the queue you were just part of.

Trying to sneak into VIP parties — and being kicked out of them — is the story of my life. And so I confess to having felt schadenfreude last week as I watched the same thing happen to a multimillionaire, 21-time Grammy-winning rock star who has been knighted by the Queen, Sir Paul McCartney — who, news outlets felt the need to remind us, had also been in the Beatles.

On Monday, Macca was turned away from a Grammys afterparty in Hollywood, along with the actor Woody Harrelson and musician Beck. The party was hosted by the rapper Tyga, boyfriend of Kylie Jenner, the youngest member of the extended Kardashian family. Was there ever a neater picture for what modern celebrity has become: less about talent than relevance.

If Macca wanted tips for sneaking into VIP parties, he should have asked. I’ve got plenty. The main thing to know is that there are two types of door people: clipboard bitches and musclemen.

Clipboard bitches are the privately educated, Prada-dressed PR girls in charge of the guest list. They are obsessed with keeping people out of parties because keeping people out of parties is the only power they have. As hot on celeb hierarchy as the social editor of Hello! and as snobby as Tatler’s Little Black Book, they guard the perimeter of VIP events fanatically, rejecting anybody they consider nobodies.


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